Bla..Bla..Bla

Lately I've been hard to reach, I've been too long on my own
Everybody has a private world, where they can be alone
Are you calling me? Are you trying to get through?
Are you reaching out for me? I'm reaching out for you

I'm just so fucking depressed, I just can't seem to get out this slump
If I could just get over this hump, but I need something to pull me out this dump
I took my bruises, took my lumps, fell down and I got right back up
But I need that spark to get psyched back up, in order for me to pick the mic back up

I don't know how or why or when I ended up in this position I'm in
I'm starting to feel distant again, so I decided just to pick this pen
Up and try to make an attempt to vent but I just can't admit or come to grips
With the fact that I may be done with rap, I need a new outlet

And I know some shit so hard to swallow, but I just can't sit back and wallow
In my own sorrow, but I know one fact
One tough act to follow
Here today, gone tomorrow, but you'd have to walk a thousand miles

But don't let 'em say you ain't beautiful
They can all get fucked, just stay true to you

I think I'm starting to lose my sense of humour, everything's so tense and gloom, I
Almost feel like I got to check the temperature of the room just as soon as
I walk in, it's like all eyes on me, and so I try to avoid any eye contact
Cause if I do that, then it opens the door for conversation, like I want that

I'm not looking for extra attention, I just wanna be just like you
Blend in with the rest of the room, maybe just point me to the closest restroom
I don't need no fucking man servant, trying follow me around and wipe my ass
And laugh at every single joke I crack and half of 'em ain't even funny like "Hah!

You're so funny man you should be a comedian, God damn"
Unfortunately I am, I just hide behind the tears of a clown
So why don't you all sit down, listen to the tale I'm about to tell
Hell, we don't gotta trade our shoes, and you ain't gotta walk no thousand miles.

Nobody asked for life to deal us what these bullshit hands we're dealt
We gotta take these cards ourselves, and flip them, don't expect no help
Now I could of either just sat on my ass and pissed and moaned
Or take this situation in which I'm placed, and get up and get my own

I was never the type of kid to wait by the door and pack his bags
Or sat on the porch and hoped and pray for a dad to show up who never did
I just wanted to fit in, every single place, every school I went
I dreamed of being that cool kid, even if it meant acting stupid

I learned my lesson then, cause I wasn't trying to impress my friends no more
But I already told you my whole life story, not just based on my description
Cause where you see it, from where you're sitting, it's probably a hundred and ten percent different
I guess we would have to walk a mile in each other's shoes at least
What size you wear? I wear tens, let's see if you could fit your feet...

In my shoes, just to see, what it's like to be me
I'll be you, let's trade shoes, just to see what it'd be like to
Feel your pain, you feel mine, go inside each other's minds
Just to see what we'd find, look at shit through each other's eyes

Emotionally Tired

Well, to make matters simple, lately, Im feeling emotionally tired..

Why?

Sometimes, when I sit back, and take deep breaths in between..something seems, feels...

MISSING...

You might start asking me all those W.H questions by the time Im done with this post..

But frankly speaking, I, myself, don't have the answers..

I have to admit, I have basically everything..as in, my basic needs are fulfilled, I have loyal buddies, a great family, and yeah, a lovable partner..

But somehow, amidst everything, I still feel..HOLLOW..

I wonder why...Hummm...

Im having fun with my life..
Im obviously happy..
My studies doing pretty fine...
Relationship is still stabil..

So why..I wonder why...

Sometimes, at one point of my life, I stopped searching..

Frankly speaking, getting beaten up physically by a bunch of crooks is waaay much better then searching for something that you won't even know its there by the time you reach the end of the tunnel..

Its tiring...But hey, who am I to complain..

Someone told me to stop thinking about other people's needs, and instead, learn to be selfish once in a while..

Me? Be selfish? Yeah...tried that a couple of times..And ended up hurting people I care..Way to go~

Better go grab a ''How To Be Selfish for Dummies'' in MPH or something..

As Im posting this up, am thinking of 'ponteng' a class..Don't feel like going..

Really...

So, I'll just ignore the class and sleep..Better of that way..

Well, good luck to me..

And to my girl, Nadt, be strong, shit happens in our lives..It ain't a pretty sight, but at least, its no fake..Live with it..And you'll be fine...

Until then, im proud of what I am, and I aint give a shit if people thinks low of me cause Im beautiful the way I am >_<

Someone's Dream Babe

''Planet Eclipse Ego 8 Marker''

A dear person of mine, Mr A, whose become an ardent fan of paintball recently had been talking about this particular marker non-stop. So, out of curiosity, I kinda googled it, to see my new so-called 'enemy' who stole his attention >_<

And what did I find?? A total babe!! *ehh whose side am I supposed to be anyways* ^O^

With its sleek features and somewhat excellent specs, its not wonder he was thinking about it NON-STOP..Jealous wehh I tell you T___T..

Pinokio

''Pinokio Hopper Marker''

That's the name I would remember for the rest of the year *unless he got his hands on this babe earlier than expected*

The most important thing above all, to understand the language of paintball itself. You see, honestly, having tried this sport before once, I might say it gives one an adrenaline rush unlike any sports I've tried before. Its also a multi-tasking sport I might add. You have to think fast, move fast, try to not get shot, stay low as possible and literally cover your team mates as much as possible *not to mention carry the quite heavy marker along the way*..Long list huh???

Although it seemed quite tedious to play this cool sport, I find myself attracted to it..The feeling of satisfaction of playing the sport itself, not to mention the additional victory to top it of, one might say, it's a worthwhile sport. Although, it is somewhat costly, with approximately the minimum pay per game per person, depending on how many people are playing is RM70, nobody seemed to mind..>_<

*instead, got rip-off some more..still nobody minded though* >_<

Between you and me, I also intend to get one of them..But cannot laahh..My dad would kill me if he knew he's daughter is happily playing to 'kill' people. My mom won't mind though pretty much >_<

Currently, Im learning the art of communication *in paintball la of course* with him cause Im having a bit of a problem going there. Sometimes, along the conversation, it tend to be like a duck and hen talking to each other. I am trying yahhh...So don't bug me much about it T__T''

Haiiihh...nevertheless, it's really nice seeing Mr A being excited and jovial about it..at least he's into it..I won't mind though..Just go for it..and try not to get rip off that bad..haha..*if you could that is, which is impossible I guess, looking back at your wish list* ^O^

Ohh, and as for me, I would be freelance writing more on LAN games *you know, those COD, DOTA games..never heard of it?? O___o..aiyooohh what century are you living in???? GOogoogle lah then*, paintball *be it the latest hot topic of the scene, or just terminology and rules used int the sport*, and fashion *the most dreaded topic of all..had to bear with it T___T"*

Until then, cherrio people..have a blast in whatever you do *although you'll be ripped of in the end* hahaha..at least your having fun..no biggie =D

Stay Out Of My Fucking Life

Yesh..Aku tau tajuk post aku pun dah kasar..Ape ke halnye???

Well, sejak aku masuk tempat baru nie, aku dah banyak belajar bersabar, sangat banyak banyak bersabar..Loosen up a bit, dan have fun with life..Ok, not entirely loosen up..I tend to worry about tedious thing, tapi that's just me I guess =)...

Sepatutnye, time macam nie, aku dah tidor, tapi sebab aku demam, dah 2 hari, mase tidur melimpah ruah, malam aku jadi burung hantu lah ape lagi...Padahal dah tidur dah tadi..Sebabjiran bangang kat atas rumah aku main lari2, aku dah terjage!! Desmit..Haiiihh..Sabar2 T___T..

Esok, aku presentation..Mengajar skills in writing pulak tue...memang terbaik!!..Dengan hidung aku macam empangan pecah..Idea nak bawak tuala good morning aku ke kelas esok, dan digalas di atas bahu nampak sangat tinggi..

Ahh..lenjan saje..Aku peduli ape orang nak cakap..Lalalala..

Time aku tengah2 sebok pecah kepale nak pikir ape bende nak buat untuk bahan mengajar aku, tetibe datang minah dari celah lubang mane, boleh selambe sound..


'' Ape bende buat banyak2 tu?? Membazir je!! ''

MEMBAZIR KAU KATE??????


Aku dah nak pecah kepalenye, dengan demamnye..duduk, buat jugak..

Yang kau sedap2 nak condemn aku buat ape?? Aku ade gune duit kau?? Takde kan??

One liner aku boleh bagi orang macam kau..

FUCK OFF!!

Kalau die sorang saje macam tue aku tak kesah, nie dah naik 2, 3 orang jugak...Perasaan nak sembelih diorang memang lah tinggi..Sabar qla..sabar...Aku dah pegang cutter kat tangan dah time tue..

Aku lately, memang pemalas nak contact orang..Kredit handphone pon takat sms..Line pon macam cipan..meh~

Baik aku tidur sebelum aku menambah dose malam2 bute..

Esok presentation, tawakkal banyak2....Fuuhhhh...15% carry marks...Chaiyo qla ^-^~

Tidur Tepi Parit

Dah 5 hari aku tak dapat tidur secare betul..I dont mind though..Aku baru habis the so-called 'honeymoon'..sumpah imbar (pinjam ayat sang jejake..kalau salah spell..maaf)..

Pastu, as the result, hamek kau!!! Isnin=HARI TIDUR SEDUNIA!!!

Aku settle makan ubat 'meth', aku tidur dari 1pm smpai 6.30pm..kalau bukan sebab mase tue petir, sumpah aku tanak bangon..

Fyi..aku takut kilat..sebab aku ade sejarah kene panah petir..dan ye..aku masih hidop..

Mungkinkah aku ade 9 nyawe macam the so-called cat??? Naaaahhh >__<

Aku letih gile tahap dewa sampaikan aku rase pavement di tepi longkang sebelah fakulti sangat tempting..yeah I know it sounds..uhmm...like KEPALE HOTAK KO !! TEPI LONGKANG???? WHAT THE FCUK??!!!

Yeah..aku masih waras..*cough*waras lah sangat*cough*..tapi bile dah jadi situasi yang sangat sebegini..

Sumpah aku boleh buat the most outragous, idiotic, pathetic, bla..bla..bla...things..

Desperate measures kan? Lalalaala..

Ohh mate ku yang ngade2...sila lah tutop mate!!..Aku nak tidor..uuuuhh *sob*sob* T__T

Kurang rehat+Lapar+PMS=Cranky qla=Qla yang gila=Cepat snap

*Mari bernyanyi ramai2 lagu Dead and Gone* lalalala (ape releven disini?? Ntah..Suke aku lah >_<)

Out~

Patutkah Aku Rasa Sedih

Baru sampai JB semalam..Yang dasyat nye, dalam bas Plusliner tue, aku sorang je perempuan..

Chop..let me re-phrase that...

AKU SEORANG SAHAJA PENUMPANG!!!! DAN AKU PEREMPUAN!!!!!

I was freaking scared!!! Hello!!! Aku ade ilmu silat setinggi mane pon, kalau kene hentak dengan lelaki, aku tumbang jugak!!! T___T

Ohhh...Sebelom aku terlupe...

SILE JANGAN TENGOK BLOOD:THE LAST VAMPIRE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! SUMPAH SAMPAH!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I was soo freaking pissed off with the movie sampaikan aku speechless bile cerite habis..Aku memang devoted fan of vampire flick..And aku memang anticipated cerita ini..Tapi..Ya Rabbi!!!!
Aku asyik menguap dalam wayang...Aku kecewe ok..

Rating???? o.5/5..Aku bagi pon sebab kesian kat Saya yang banyak lompat2 atas bumbung..

= Cliche!!! (Father got killed by the evil vilain-ness turns out to be the mother)
= Tak masuk akal T___T (Mere mortal kene bakar, campak dalam gaung, campak dalam air..tak mati2..jadah!!!)
= Macam budak2 (graphic scenes yang level kanak2...watsup Sony..*more like Tony*..takkan lahh darah memancut slow effects keluar mcm pebbles???? oohh..dont 4get my most favourite!!! Onigen punye "bearded blood'')

Back to my story *terlajak jauh bercerite*

Aku dapat panggilan dari member clan, mase dalam bas..Alhamdulillah, dapat jugak die habiskan diploma dia...

Im really happy for her..Tapi kenape tetibe aku rase bitter semacam eh?? Kenape aku rase macamtu? Rase macam nak menangis..Aku tak tipu..tapi tahan aje..

'' Takpe qla, bangon pelan2 ye..mase kau akan sampai jugak...repair dulu kepak kau yang tengah koyak..mcamane nak terbang kalau kepak tak stabil?'' my inner-self berkate....

'' Ya Allah...bertimpe betul dugaan kau bagi dekat aku..tabahkanlah aku ''

Abang Jai (the Plusliner driver guy) was a Johori-ian..Mule2 aku cuak jugak nak borak2 dengan die..Tapi die memang baik..nasihat aku macam2..aku lege jumpe orang baik in this infested evil world...

Semalam, aku mengambil keputusan untuk disable-kan masa silam aku untuk aku pergi jauh...Abg Jai kate aku bukan jenis mengalah..tapi strings from the past selalu hold me back..ikat aku untok tak pergi jauh..buatkan aku selalu terpandang belakang untuk ingat semule kenangan2 yang pahit...buat aku rase guilty..dan rase tak confident..betol kate die..

*fyi* Abg Jai is somewhat can read people's characterization whis was all true..

Aku mampu pergi jauh..aku tahu..feeling envy of other's success is a positive thing..
I have more in life to offer..

Maybe masenye dah tiba untuk aku crumble downkan my so-called- mask and loosen up a bit...
Lying to everyone..and most of all..
Lying to myself..

Proof to others Qla, that you are one of those rare gems that takes a long time to be polished, but turns to be the most shiniest of all~ =)

Peraturan Sang Lelaki

Hye people of earth!!!

Aku terjumpa this incredible funny comel post on one of my favorite blogs that Im following..

http://kandunganisihatiillmie.blogspot.com/

Tell me what you think..Aku rase ade betulnye jugak post ini..

NO OFFENCE LADIES!!!!

So, enjoy ok, and tell me what you think =)

The Man Rules

At last a guy has taken the time to write this all down .Finally, the guys' side of the story. I(must admit, it's pretty good.)

We always hear“the rules" from the female side.

Now here are the rules from the male side.

These are our rules!

Please note.. these are all numbered "1 " ON PURPOSE!

1. Men are NOT mind readers.

1. Learn to work the toilet seat. You're a big girl. If it's up, put it down.
We need it up, you need it down.
You don't hear us complaining about you leaving it down.

1. Sunday sports It's like the full moon or the changing of the tides. Let it be.

1. Crying is blackmail.

1. Ask for what you want.
Let us be clear on this one:
Subtle hints do not work!
Strong hints do not work!
Obvious hints do not work!
Just say it!

1. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.

1. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That's what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.

1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. In fact, all comments become Null and void after 7 Days.

1. If you think you're fat, you probably are. Don't ask us.

1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one.

1. You can either ask us to do something Or tell us how you want it done. Not both.
If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.

1. Whenever possible, Please say whatever you have to say during commercials..

1. Christopher Columbus did NOTneed directions and neither do we.

1. ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings.
Peach, for example, is a fruit, not A colour. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea what mauve is.

1. If it itches, it willbe scratched. We do that.

1. If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing," We will act like nothing's wrong.
We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle.

1. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, expect an answer you don't want to hear.

1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine ... Really

1. Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as FOOTBALL or motor sports.

1. You have enough clothes.

1. You have too many shoes.

1. I am in shape.Round IS a shape!

1. Thank you for reading this.
Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the couch tonight;
But did you know men really don't mind that? It's like camping.


P/S - Perut aku sakit sebab ketawa tergolek2 baca the so-called Men Rules..=)

Drama Melayu Tidak Berkesudahan

Aku baru sahaje balik dari makan burger telur di tepi longkang FLS (Faculty of Language Studies)..ye!!! di tepi longkang FLS..so?????

Hahahaha..aku tengah kusut kepale jugak sebab masalah yang agak rumit dan aku tak tahu macamne nak selesaikan..Nasib aku baik terjumpe satu listener yang hanye diam dan tidak judge aku..Thanx...I need that..Aku terasa sedikit happy ^-^ makan burger telur di tepi longkang sambil bercerita kekusutan yang membuatkan aku rasa nak meletup...

Assignment writing aku dah settlekan, draft sahaje lah..esok aku kene pastikan semua siap bertulis sebelum di hantar Khamis minggu ini...

Hidup aku sekarang bahagie betul...kawan2 yang seronok dan menggembirekan, keadaan sekeliling yang agak menenangkan walaopon jaoh dari penempatan *cough*panas nak mati*cough*..hahahaha =)

Ohh..ohh...aku kene gosok baju, esok kelas 8.30 pagi..malas nak kelam kabot...mungkin lepas ini, aku akan tulis 2, 3 kali seminggu..alah..hari2 tulis bosan kot..lagipon tak seronok hari2 korang nak hadap laptop/tablet pc/desktop/handphone canggih manggih korang kan..

=_____= meh, macam lah aku tak macamtu..hahahaha..

Selamat semua!!!! >__<

Bila Kenangan Itu Datang

Semalam, time aku duduk2 dekat balkoni rumah hostel aku, kenangan2 lame datang semule.. Kire macam flashback lah jugak...

Kenapa aku tetibe jadi sentimental? Time tuh tengah hujan gerimis, jadi menggedik teringat lah sekejap =)

Bila aku kenangkan balik, macam2 perkare aku belajar dalam hidup aku 4 tahun lately nih..
And aku bersyukur sebab perkara2 yang nampak buruk itu berlaku kat aku..

On how my life jadi kelam kabut sebab kelalaian aku sendiri..
On how aku musnahkann harapan aku sendiri sebab ikutkan perasaan..
On how aku hampir hilang segala2nya sebab aku terlalu pentingkan orang lain sebelum diri sendiri..

Aku bersyukur sebab along the way, aku tersedar dari khyalan aku sendiri dengan bantuan keluarga, kawan2 rapat dan conscious aku sendiri..

Walaupun tersedar dari khayalan sangat memeritkan, sekurang2nya, aku tak terlalu terlambat walaupon ade yang mengatekan dah terlambat..

Dan aku sangat2 bersyukur kat Allah sebab bagi aku peluang kedua untuk betulkan kesalahan hidup aku, sebab nyaris2 matikan aku kat atas katil operation, sebab bagi aku kekuatan untuk bangun dan terus kejar ape yang aku mahukan, sebab bagi aku akal dan fikiran yang boleh berfikiran jauh..

Aku sangat bersyukur...

Pade aku, janji boleh dibuat bergunung2, tapi nak menepati tue adelah perkare yang amat sukar, jadi aku berjanji pade Allah, pada keluarga, pada kawan2 rapat yang aku akan push myself to the limits...Aku akan kejar semula zaman kegemilangan aku yang aku campak ke tepi kerane kejahilan aku pade mase dulu..

Aku takkan menyesal dengan ape yang berlaku, aku takkan meratap kesedihan yang dah lepas..
Pada aku, aku bersyukur perkare2 yang tak mampu orang lain lalui aku dapat alami..

It was bloody horrible
It was pretty bad
It was devastating
It nearly break me into half all together

But hey, I made it out alive!!!! ^-^

Sekarang aku dah dapat ape aku nak buat, jadi aku akan push my boundaries sampai aku dah worn-out..

Its the only way aku boleh repay back to all the people I owe as a thank you note..

Ape yang aku boleh katekan, Its true ape orang2 cakap dalam buku, kat aku...

'' The only one that could kill you with either words or actions is yourself, not others..Its not how many times you fall, Its the the strength and determination you take to rise up and fly again is what that matters ''

Rindu Aku Tidak???

Hai semua!!!

Yah..yah..Aku dha lame tak update...Atas sebab2 yang memang tak dapat dielakkan..Chewaah =)

1. Aku sebok dengan kemas rumah sewe lame kat Penang..bapak penat =___=

2. Menyiapkan manuskrip2 translating yang tak berkesudahan

3. Kemas barang nak masuk kampus balik (pendek betul cuti kali ini)

4. Orientasi baru habes Khamis lepas >__< size="3">So, sorry lah ye..nyahahaha..aku dah start pergi training ice-hockey..
Kelakar betol sebab semue budak2 kecik.. Aku buat muke sardin aje..Kate nak belajar kan!!! Kimin (kawan adik aku, Pqa kat Mmu) kate, kene skate dulu baru boleh main..hahaha
Walaopon banyak kali aku jatoh macam nangke busok, tapi memang enjoy sangat =)
Bak kate orang ' SAKIT YANG MEMANG BEST!!!'

'' Baju basah sebab asyik buat adengan Patrick Star dalam ice rink..hahaha ''

Next week confirm turon lagi..trainer aku pon bagos..Tak silap name die Kim, best player dalam tournament...woaahhh..untong dapat cikgu hebat =)

Banyak bende nak cerite tapi until next time ye..Aku dah lambat nak gerak balik kampus..

Mati!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

P/S - Isnin, aku mula mengait kelapa sawit sambil membaca Literature dan English Poetry..hahahahaha