Idiotic Fckerama

Yahhh..of all the days in the world..It had to rain today...No wonder it was damn effing hot last night..I literally have baggy eyes, black panda eyes..Even the pandas would recognize me as one of their own kind..Yahhh..that bad =____=

I slept in earlier than usual, had a midnight call, and when it ended, I was frantically trying to close my eyes shut...But it was pointless...

You see, I have this extraordinary, extremely high imagination..seeing so-called monsters from cupboards and even creeping under the desks..Yes, bad huh??

It all started when I kept on tossing and turning like mad on my 'fluffy' hostel bed..Grabbed my phone..

'' 3.30am ''

Tossed it away, shut my eyes...

Opened my eyes, grab the phone again..after thinking a couple of hours had passed

'' 3.45am ''

Damn lah....Only 15 minutes had passed????? O_______o

After trying, and trying, I fell asleep...Just because I saw the full moon which was red, and big, and round and yeahh...I scared the heck out of myself for no apparent reason..(hello, it was bloodshot red ok..really freaky)

And now, Im 5 minutes away from the-so called test..Im practically screwed..

Haven't read a single thing...Im just too effing lazy...Aiiiihhh..I'll be doomed if this continues..

Bla..Bla..Bla

Lately I've been hard to reach, I've been too long on my own
Everybody has a private world, where they can be alone
Are you calling me? Are you trying to get through?
Are you reaching out for me? I'm reaching out for you

I'm just so fucking depressed, I just can't seem to get out this slump
If I could just get over this hump, but I need something to pull me out this dump
I took my bruises, took my lumps, fell down and I got right back up
But I need that spark to get psyched back up, in order for me to pick the mic back up

I don't know how or why or when I ended up in this position I'm in
I'm starting to feel distant again, so I decided just to pick this pen
Up and try to make an attempt to vent but I just can't admit or come to grips
With the fact that I may be done with rap, I need a new outlet

And I know some shit so hard to swallow, but I just can't sit back and wallow
In my own sorrow, but I know one fact
One tough act to follow
Here today, gone tomorrow, but you'd have to walk a thousand miles

But don't let 'em say you ain't beautiful
They can all get fucked, just stay true to you

I think I'm starting to lose my sense of humour, everything's so tense and gloom, I
Almost feel like I got to check the temperature of the room just as soon as
I walk in, it's like all eyes on me, and so I try to avoid any eye contact
Cause if I do that, then it opens the door for conversation, like I want that

I'm not looking for extra attention, I just wanna be just like you
Blend in with the rest of the room, maybe just point me to the closest restroom
I don't need no fucking man servant, trying follow me around and wipe my ass
And laugh at every single joke I crack and half of 'em ain't even funny like "Hah!

You're so funny man you should be a comedian, God damn"
Unfortunately I am, I just hide behind the tears of a clown
So why don't you all sit down, listen to the tale I'm about to tell
Hell, we don't gotta trade our shoes, and you ain't gotta walk no thousand miles.

Nobody asked for life to deal us what these bullshit hands we're dealt
We gotta take these cards ourselves, and flip them, don't expect no help
Now I could of either just sat on my ass and pissed and moaned
Or take this situation in which I'm placed, and get up and get my own

I was never the type of kid to wait by the door and pack his bags
Or sat on the porch and hoped and pray for a dad to show up who never did
I just wanted to fit in, every single place, every school I went
I dreamed of being that cool kid, even if it meant acting stupid

I learned my lesson then, cause I wasn't trying to impress my friends no more
But I already told you my whole life story, not just based on my description
Cause where you see it, from where you're sitting, it's probably a hundred and ten percent different
I guess we would have to walk a mile in each other's shoes at least
What size you wear? I wear tens, let's see if you could fit your feet...

In my shoes, just to see, what it's like to be me
I'll be you, let's trade shoes, just to see what it'd be like to
Feel your pain, you feel mine, go inside each other's minds
Just to see what we'd find, look at shit through each other's eyes

Emotionally Tired

Well, to make matters simple, lately, Im feeling emotionally tired..

Why?

Sometimes, when I sit back, and take deep breaths in between..something seems, feels...

MISSING...

You might start asking me all those W.H questions by the time Im done with this post..

But frankly speaking, I, myself, don't have the answers..

I have to admit, I have basically everything..as in, my basic needs are fulfilled, I have loyal buddies, a great family, and yeah, a lovable partner..

But somehow, amidst everything, I still feel..HOLLOW..

I wonder why...Hummm...

Im having fun with my life..
Im obviously happy..
My studies doing pretty fine...
Relationship is still stabil..

So why..I wonder why...

Sometimes, at one point of my life, I stopped searching..

Frankly speaking, getting beaten up physically by a bunch of crooks is waaay much better then searching for something that you won't even know its there by the time you reach the end of the tunnel..

Its tiring...But hey, who am I to complain..

Someone told me to stop thinking about other people's needs, and instead, learn to be selfish once in a while..

Me? Be selfish? Yeah...tried that a couple of times..And ended up hurting people I care..Way to go~

Better go grab a ''How To Be Selfish for Dummies'' in MPH or something..

As Im posting this up, am thinking of 'ponteng' a class..Don't feel like going..

Really...

So, I'll just ignore the class and sleep..Better of that way..

Well, good luck to me..

And to my girl, Nadt, be strong, shit happens in our lives..It ain't a pretty sight, but at least, its no fake..Live with it..And you'll be fine...

Until then, im proud of what I am, and I aint give a shit if people thinks low of me cause Im beautiful the way I am >_<