Aiyayayayai

Its a wonderful cool Saturday morning..

Looks like its going to rain pretty soon..

Practically slept the whole day thru yesterday..its a norm when I overnight the day before..let's just say its a way to stabilize my sleeping time =D

In the last post, I mentioned about the problems I have to deal right?

Well, good news was, I mangaed to get thru the situation with some help..Can't say I can handle them all by myself..For that, I am grateful..

Im glad I was surrounded by great people..That cares for my welfare..Its nice to know that once in a while =D

Taken his advice to not make enemies..His words were..

''We are here to make friends..not enemies..Its ok to make more friends..but not enemies..k''

Somehow, when he said those words, I suddenly felt calmer, and I could rationalize my thinking..

Thank you dear..

And not forgetting my supportive housemates, who's been there when I was practically went berserk =3

I guess, all you need in the end was a bit of love and support in your system..

Ohh and as for the 'problems'??

I got the laugh last in the end..How I managed to do so?

Lets just say, a bit of silent treatment and lecturing did the job..

Untill then, got to finish reading The Lost Symbol for now..been ages to finish this good book..  

Out~

Shit Happens

So, here I am again..Posting up after abandoning my blog for quite some time..

Not that I don't have anything to write about..But I guess, I THINK I could handle all the measly stuff on my own..

Been a bit busy these couple of weeks..with reading materials, reviews and constant paper works..Not that Im complaining, cause I really wholeheartedly enjoyed doing them..

These couple of days, Ive been really irritated and annoyed at the same time with a couple of colleagues of mine..It starts as a small speck of problem, getting worse everyday unattended..

Frankly speaking, its taking a toll of me..

From downright everything..

Be it friendship, relationship and so on..

Yes, I am no GOD, I am no SAINT, and Im just human..

What irks me the most in my entire lifespan, is NOT the fact that I am plain dumb when it comes to shopping, or even NOT the fact that I am NOT that smart when it comes to figures...

NO...
Want to give it a guess??? Yes? No?

Well...Scroll on down then..

1. I LOATHE..yes..not HATE people..LOATHE..when people (am using general terms here, so, go figure) when you make all these lame excuses up to my face and thinking Im dumb..

HELLLLOOOOO!!!! Do I look like a blond bloke to you? Im sorry if you think I am...

Moving on..

2. I LOATHE...again, strong words....you think-youre-sooooo-good-of a-people makes empty promises and breaking them in the end...

Ohooo...Is that a fun thing to do I wonder..making promises here and there and thinking I won't remember each and single one of them..Ohhhh youre sooo dead wrong..

I dont mind..let me empasize that, I DON'T FUC**ING MIND if you can't do the things that you think could make me happy..Im contented with what I have...I really don't mind..and when I say I DON'T MIND, I REALLY DON'T!!!!...

Why laaaaaaaaaaaa...you have to make promises to me...

Its painful, everytime, you keep making promises and promises and promises...*sigh*..

Moving on again..

3. It ANNOYS the living daily lights of me when you screech, wail like a banshee and curse all the time!!!..
 Deshmit!!! I'll get deaf before I'm 23...where's your fucking manners la????

Don't your parents educate you well enough????

I DON'T GIVE A HOOT, if you would think Im a skema or so on..

Go blab somewhere else..

Im NOT saying IM TOO GOOD myself..or TOO PERFECT on everything..I admit that..but I try HARD to improve everything everyday..call me a perfectionist if you want to..I don't give a damn..

I can say soo much but yet, I can't do a thing about it..

If I CAN sacrifice my time and everything to prioritize what's FAR important..why can't you???

Is it that so important to abandon your responsibilities??? Grow up..please!!!!

I think Ive said that much, its suffocating, am heading to MMU now...

Out~

Happy Raya Y'all

Just recently came back from MMU Cyberjaya, after squatting there like a 'setinggan' for 6 days (had to wait for my sister to finish her lectures and bla..bla..before flying down to JB)..^-^

Overall, the 'homestay'@'hostel stay' was pretty awesome!!!

Played with fireworks with my MMU peeps in a park nearby and was nearly caught by cops 

=> Duhh!! You CAN'T play FIREWORKS in the LOCAL PARK!!! For god's sake..of all the things in the world we played that there..hahaha..luckily we had our way..and sweet talk our way out..wooot

Ate sorts of food for break-fasting and bloat my way out
=> We ate  buffet in Alamanda, Domino's pizza, stalls, bazaar food., junk food.I swear to god...Im getting fat by just staying there..these guys really know how to hunt  good food..Honest!!

Learning 'the' IT @ Art talk

=> I must admit, I only thought that only Engineering guys, or TESL peeps had their 'it' language...Ohoo..I was soo wrong people..Staying there for almost a week made me realize that they too have 'the' language..Most of the time, when I tend to engage in a conversation with them..I always get laughed off..T__T..not my fault tho..different wavelength I might say..but they're very nice people..learned a thing or two tho =)

Engaging in wacky moments

=> Just imagine, we went to a bazaar in Bangi, to food hunt for our break-fasting..mission accomplished there..Then, decided to go to Dengkil to eat at the infamous Malee Restaurent (the food there is soo 'kick' man)..mission failed..full house..plus, it was Maghrib already (of course it must be full house by then..duhh)..Had to go back to Putrajaya..decided to eat at Mak Tam Restaurent..mission failed..also full house..by this time, we were all pissed off+hungry..Last resort, went back to MMU Cyberjaya, and ate at HB1..mission accomplished..hahahaha..see the long journey we had to endure..just to find a spot..sigh..but it was fun nevertheless..haha..

Making sweet memories

=> Due to Raya fever, the kids hung Raya lights outside their whostel windows to liften up the mood..some of them only could be back to their respective hometown a 2, 3 days before Raya due to hectoc schedule of lectures and loads of assignments..I really feel your pain guys..some of the unfortunate ones, could only be back a day before Raya (which would be today)..balme on sold out tickets, assignments not yet passed up and etc..

Setting up my blogshop

=> Beacuse I was so bored of my mind..I don't have anything better to do than checking my Facebook every 24-7..which spells L.A.M.E....I revamp my old forgotten blog to a blogshop..Within 2 days, the site was revamp and refurbished with a more friendly layout I might add..clean, and simple..I'd post up the link once my sight is up and running..which would hopefully be after Raya =)..Do wish me luck on this..I SOO want to clear out my closet..my mum's been nagging me not stop about all  the nice clothes Im buying, but NOT wearing them..sigh..baaaaad habit T___T..

All in all, I'd like to take this oppurtunity to extend my Raya wishes..

Selamat Hari Raya, Maaf Zahir Batin

Be safe on the roads..

Take quickie breaks in between the travelling..

Have a cup of Nescafe or Milo or Horlicks, whatever to spiff you up.. ^O^

Fwaaahhhh

Am currently setting up an online shop a.k.a blogshop to clear out my closet..

Mama's freaking out cause my wardrobe is JAM-PACKED with sweaters, not-worn tops and etc..etc..

She freaked out real BAD!!!

''Qla!!!! Don't you dare buy another piece of top unless you clear out your wardrobe!!! Ya hear me!!!''

Dang~

Im soo, toast T^T..

Yesh, I have the tendency or habit I might add, buying new, adorable, girlish clothes and NOT wear them..

Yet, I still wore the SAME old, BLACK top/shirt/whatever sweaters I could find..

Not my fault...They are just sooooooooooooo comfy to wear..

Aiihhh...I'll be damned..>_<

If Only You Knew, Would You Care

Its been a while since I post up something here..
I was waaaayyy too busy with presentations, sleeping in between classes and struggling for multiple tests..
As finals is just 3 days around the corner, it didn't make things easier for me..

Just came back recently from JB due to a week of study week..
Yet, I came back to campus earlier..
Decided to have my last minute struggle in campus rather than at my own comfort of home..
*as if I'll be mugging my ass out in front of the ohhh-so-speedy internet connection lappy*

These past few days, had been one roller coaster emotional ride for me..Realizing things and accepting them without the heart to do so..The pain was very very intense..

It really felt like I was stabbed in the ___________<----- FILL IN THE BLANKS AS YOU WISH

Im tired of empty promises
Im tired of faking smiles
Im tired of adapting
Im tired of making people happy
Im tired of being unselfish
Im tired of giving people hopes
Im tired of being fake
Im tired of reaching out the unreachable
Im tired of being strong
Im tired of everyone
Im tired of myself

Some people tend to say Im just stressed out due to my finals..
Tell you what mister, AM NOT..

I tried to be selfish
I tried to learn to decline
I tried to reach out for help
I tried to be what people want me to be
I tried to give my best to everyone
I tried to love everyone I loathe
I tried to smile when tears threaten to fall
I tried to not burden others
I tried to make people smile
I tried to make people felt loved
I tried to love myself

I did..I really did..
As I sat on the grass, crying, reaching out for help..
Nobody saw me..
Not even a glance..
Nobody even heard my plead of helplessness..
I often wonder why..
Maybe, I was just a mere joke to everyone all this while..

Just a piece of pawn on their chess board..
Waiting to be disposed anytime they please..

Nursing my aching heart..
I could only comfort myself..
''Its ok my dear, the pain would go away''
''You are special, don't cry for them''
''You are not alone, you have yourself, you're never alone''

True, some tend to reach out to me..
But sadly, the moment I grab hold to them..
They disappeared..
Leaving me behind..
Holding on to empty promises the made and shattered dreams..

People might think I'm just full of crap..
An emotionally unstable girl..
I don't give a damn anymore..
You could say whatever you'd like..
As long it pleases you..
It's good enough for me..
Be my guest..
I'll just mind my own misery..

I'll hold on until I couldn't move on..
Until then, this is what I am..
A girl which hides behind the tears of a clown..

Idiotic Fckerama

Yahhh..of all the days in the world..It had to rain today...No wonder it was damn effing hot last night..I literally have baggy eyes, black panda eyes..Even the pandas would recognize me as one of their own kind..Yahhh..that bad =____=

I slept in earlier than usual, had a midnight call, and when it ended, I was frantically trying to close my eyes shut...But it was pointless...

You see, I have this extraordinary, extremely high imagination..seeing so-called monsters from cupboards and even creeping under the desks..Yes, bad huh??

It all started when I kept on tossing and turning like mad on my 'fluffy' hostel bed..Grabbed my phone..

'' 3.30am ''

Tossed it away, shut my eyes...

Opened my eyes, grab the phone again..after thinking a couple of hours had passed

'' 3.45am ''

Damn lah....Only 15 minutes had passed????? O_______o

After trying, and trying, I fell asleep...Just because I saw the full moon which was red, and big, and round and yeahh...I scared the heck out of myself for no apparent reason..(hello, it was bloodshot red ok..really freaky)

And now, Im 5 minutes away from the-so called test..Im practically screwed..

Haven't read a single thing...Im just too effing lazy...Aiiiihhh..I'll be doomed if this continues..

Bla..Bla..Bla

Lately I've been hard to reach, I've been too long on my own
Everybody has a private world, where they can be alone
Are you calling me? Are you trying to get through?
Are you reaching out for me? I'm reaching out for you

I'm just so fucking depressed, I just can't seem to get out this slump
If I could just get over this hump, but I need something to pull me out this dump
I took my bruises, took my lumps, fell down and I got right back up
But I need that spark to get psyched back up, in order for me to pick the mic back up

I don't know how or why or when I ended up in this position I'm in
I'm starting to feel distant again, so I decided just to pick this pen
Up and try to make an attempt to vent but I just can't admit or come to grips
With the fact that I may be done with rap, I need a new outlet

And I know some shit so hard to swallow, but I just can't sit back and wallow
In my own sorrow, but I know one fact
One tough act to follow
Here today, gone tomorrow, but you'd have to walk a thousand miles

But don't let 'em say you ain't beautiful
They can all get fucked, just stay true to you

I think I'm starting to lose my sense of humour, everything's so tense and gloom, I
Almost feel like I got to check the temperature of the room just as soon as
I walk in, it's like all eyes on me, and so I try to avoid any eye contact
Cause if I do that, then it opens the door for conversation, like I want that

I'm not looking for extra attention, I just wanna be just like you
Blend in with the rest of the room, maybe just point me to the closest restroom
I don't need no fucking man servant, trying follow me around and wipe my ass
And laugh at every single joke I crack and half of 'em ain't even funny like "Hah!

You're so funny man you should be a comedian, God damn"
Unfortunately I am, I just hide behind the tears of a clown
So why don't you all sit down, listen to the tale I'm about to tell
Hell, we don't gotta trade our shoes, and you ain't gotta walk no thousand miles.

Nobody asked for life to deal us what these bullshit hands we're dealt
We gotta take these cards ourselves, and flip them, don't expect no help
Now I could of either just sat on my ass and pissed and moaned
Or take this situation in which I'm placed, and get up and get my own

I was never the type of kid to wait by the door and pack his bags
Or sat on the porch and hoped and pray for a dad to show up who never did
I just wanted to fit in, every single place, every school I went
I dreamed of being that cool kid, even if it meant acting stupid

I learned my lesson then, cause I wasn't trying to impress my friends no more
But I already told you my whole life story, not just based on my description
Cause where you see it, from where you're sitting, it's probably a hundred and ten percent different
I guess we would have to walk a mile in each other's shoes at least
What size you wear? I wear tens, let's see if you could fit your feet...

In my shoes, just to see, what it's like to be me
I'll be you, let's trade shoes, just to see what it'd be like to
Feel your pain, you feel mine, go inside each other's minds
Just to see what we'd find, look at shit through each other's eyes

Emotionally Tired

Well, to make matters simple, lately, Im feeling emotionally tired..

Why?

Sometimes, when I sit back, and take deep breaths in between..something seems, feels...

MISSING...

You might start asking me all those W.H questions by the time Im done with this post..

But frankly speaking, I, myself, don't have the answers..

I have to admit, I have basically everything..as in, my basic needs are fulfilled, I have loyal buddies, a great family, and yeah, a lovable partner..

But somehow, amidst everything, I still feel..HOLLOW..

I wonder why...Hummm...

Im having fun with my life..
Im obviously happy..
My studies doing pretty fine...
Relationship is still stabil..

So why..I wonder why...

Sometimes, at one point of my life, I stopped searching..

Frankly speaking, getting beaten up physically by a bunch of crooks is waaay much better then searching for something that you won't even know its there by the time you reach the end of the tunnel..

Its tiring...But hey, who am I to complain..

Someone told me to stop thinking about other people's needs, and instead, learn to be selfish once in a while..

Me? Be selfish? Yeah...tried that a couple of times..And ended up hurting people I care..Way to go~

Better go grab a ''How To Be Selfish for Dummies'' in MPH or something..

As Im posting this up, am thinking of 'ponteng' a class..Don't feel like going..

Really...

So, I'll just ignore the class and sleep..Better of that way..

Well, good luck to me..

And to my girl, Nadt, be strong, shit happens in our lives..It ain't a pretty sight, but at least, its no fake..Live with it..And you'll be fine...

Until then, im proud of what I am, and I aint give a shit if people thinks low of me cause Im beautiful the way I am >_<

Someone's Dream Babe

''Planet Eclipse Ego 8 Marker''

A dear person of mine, Mr A, whose become an ardent fan of paintball recently had been talking about this particular marker non-stop. So, out of curiosity, I kinda googled it, to see my new so-called 'enemy' who stole his attention >_<

And what did I find?? A total babe!! *ehh whose side am I supposed to be anyways* ^O^

With its sleek features and somewhat excellent specs, its not wonder he was thinking about it NON-STOP..Jealous wehh I tell you T___T..

Pinokio

''Pinokio Hopper Marker''

That's the name I would remember for the rest of the year *unless he got his hands on this babe earlier than expected*

The most important thing above all, to understand the language of paintball itself. You see, honestly, having tried this sport before once, I might say it gives one an adrenaline rush unlike any sports I've tried before. Its also a multi-tasking sport I might add. You have to think fast, move fast, try to not get shot, stay low as possible and literally cover your team mates as much as possible *not to mention carry the quite heavy marker along the way*..Long list huh???

Although it seemed quite tedious to play this cool sport, I find myself attracted to it..The feeling of satisfaction of playing the sport itself, not to mention the additional victory to top it of, one might say, it's a worthwhile sport. Although, it is somewhat costly, with approximately the minimum pay per game per person, depending on how many people are playing is RM70, nobody seemed to mind..>_<

*instead, got rip-off some more..still nobody minded though* >_<

Between you and me, I also intend to get one of them..But cannot laahh..My dad would kill me if he knew he's daughter is happily playing to 'kill' people. My mom won't mind though pretty much >_<

Currently, Im learning the art of communication *in paintball la of course* with him cause Im having a bit of a problem going there. Sometimes, along the conversation, it tend to be like a duck and hen talking to each other. I am trying yahhh...So don't bug me much about it T__T''

Haiiihh...nevertheless, it's really nice seeing Mr A being excited and jovial about it..at least he's into it..I won't mind though..Just go for it..and try not to get rip off that bad..haha..*if you could that is, which is impossible I guess, looking back at your wish list* ^O^

Ohh, and as for me, I would be freelance writing more on LAN games *you know, those COD, DOTA games..never heard of it?? O___o..aiyooohh what century are you living in???? GOogoogle lah then*, paintball *be it the latest hot topic of the scene, or just terminology and rules used int the sport*, and fashion *the most dreaded topic of all..had to bear with it T___T"*

Until then, cherrio people..have a blast in whatever you do *although you'll be ripped of in the end* hahaha..at least your having fun..no biggie =D

Stay Out Of My Fucking Life

Yesh..Aku tau tajuk post aku pun dah kasar..Ape ke halnye???

Well, sejak aku masuk tempat baru nie, aku dah banyak belajar bersabar, sangat banyak banyak bersabar..Loosen up a bit, dan have fun with life..Ok, not entirely loosen up..I tend to worry about tedious thing, tapi that's just me I guess =)...

Sepatutnye, time macam nie, aku dah tidor, tapi sebab aku demam, dah 2 hari, mase tidur melimpah ruah, malam aku jadi burung hantu lah ape lagi...Padahal dah tidur dah tadi..Sebabjiran bangang kat atas rumah aku main lari2, aku dah terjage!! Desmit..Haiiihh..Sabar2 T___T..

Esok, aku presentation..Mengajar skills in writing pulak tue...memang terbaik!!..Dengan hidung aku macam empangan pecah..Idea nak bawak tuala good morning aku ke kelas esok, dan digalas di atas bahu nampak sangat tinggi..

Ahh..lenjan saje..Aku peduli ape orang nak cakap..Lalalala..

Time aku tengah2 sebok pecah kepale nak pikir ape bende nak buat untuk bahan mengajar aku, tetibe datang minah dari celah lubang mane, boleh selambe sound..


'' Ape bende buat banyak2 tu?? Membazir je!! ''

MEMBAZIR KAU KATE??????


Aku dah nak pecah kepalenye, dengan demamnye..duduk, buat jugak..

Yang kau sedap2 nak condemn aku buat ape?? Aku ade gune duit kau?? Takde kan??

One liner aku boleh bagi orang macam kau..

FUCK OFF!!

Kalau die sorang saje macam tue aku tak kesah, nie dah naik 2, 3 orang jugak...Perasaan nak sembelih diorang memang lah tinggi..Sabar qla..sabar...Aku dah pegang cutter kat tangan dah time tue..

Aku lately, memang pemalas nak contact orang..Kredit handphone pon takat sms..Line pon macam cipan..meh~

Baik aku tidur sebelum aku menambah dose malam2 bute..

Esok presentation, tawakkal banyak2....Fuuhhhh...15% carry marks...Chaiyo qla ^-^~