We Accept It As It Is

Assalamualaikum..

Hello everyone..just got back from JB today ..
Grandma was admitted into ICU last Saturday, and all of my siblings gathered back home on Friday for a visit..
It was a really heart breaking moment to see the one you really cared and love lay there helplessly..
The Grandma I knew was an iron lady, had always managed to pull through practically everything..

Seeing her helplessly on the bed motionless, made me practically unable to churn the fact that the person whose laying on the bed was her..
No matter how much I've tried to control myself, the tears kept on swelling in my eyes, and drops unconsciously now and then..

It had been an emotionally tiring period for me last week..had to push myself to go to classes, forced myself to eat..
I was practically a walking zombie..
All I ever think of  was my Grandma..and how her condition was..
Every now and then Mama would call up late nights and early mornings, crying..
I guess it took a toll in all of us, as a family..

I was literally on the verge of breaking down, that I often found myself sobbing quietly in between classes, in between phone calls and in between meals..
I lost my weight unconsciously..

Dragged myself to endure the 4 hours drive back to hometown..
And on Saturday itself, I was temporarily warded in the Emergency ward the same hospital as my Grandma..
Why?
I was having continuous high fever for almost 9 days before..and it gets worse every day..
With the lack of proper meals and the pile of stress, I guess its no surprise I didn't land in there sooner..

Had a blood test and chest X-Ray and I was diagnosed by the doctor to be lacking of Potassium, white blood cells and red blood cells..
Simply put, the level of salt in my body is below average of a normal person T___T
So, I was warded and put on IV Drips for around 4 hours..
Because I was stubborn, and refused to be admitted (cause I had classes on Monday and I cant afford to miss it) =D

Amidst everything that had happened, my whole family gathered on Sunday (20 May 2012) to celebrate Ayah's 57th birthday =)
Im glad we managed to stick together through thick and thin to leap the hurdles that happened in our lives..

I hope and prayed to Allah that my Grandma would get well soon, and everything would be better for all of us..
Insyaallah =)

P/S - May this month of Rejab brings us more grace and good offerings in this life and after, Amin

The feeling of pure AGONY when your throat can't take in SOLID food T____T

I can see bowls of porridge filling me ='(

Sigh

When death looks straight at you, to take away the ones you loved..would you EVER be ready?

Hospitals and Clouds

I always have a soft spot for cloudy and rainy days..beats me..

Its just that when the clouds tuns grey, it's as if all my problems would flutter away..

And when it rains, it's as if all my worries would be washed away..

I immediately felt calmer and refreshed..

Skeptical??

Try finding me on campus or wherever I might be, the library or cafe in classes and observe my behavior..

I would be more energetic, hyper active and extra cheerful during these times =)

So, if you would likely to request the most outrageous things for me to do, I'd likely to say YES =D

Today, I'll be visiting my Ophthalmologist for my yearly check up.

My eyesight isn't really in good conditions recently..

Despite that I was involved in theater for the couple of months, my eyes are exposed to excessive bright lighting and spotlights..

Which is actually a big no-no to my eyes..

But, trying to being professional, I endured it as much as I possibly could..

The only thing I could do was to ask the lighting department to dim the spotlight's brightness..

And when the day ends, I would usually get throbbing headaches and mild nausea late making it difficult for me to breathe and sleep..

At night, I had to place wet towels on my eyes to cool the burning sensation..

Usually when this happens, it actually means that I had strained my eyes to the max..

And If this repeatedly happen, the chances of me getting blind is very high..

 

It was very painful to endure..

Sometimes, when the pain was too much to bear, I'd cried to sleep.. 

So, hopefully, today's eye examination won't bring bad news..

That would be the last thing that I need right now..

Insyaallah =)

Have a nice day ahead >_<

Confession of a Clueless Potato

All my life, (and I really exaggerate this in bold caps locks!! =3) I always regard myself as an ugly ducking..
I never got the chance to hang out with the glamorous chicks in school or even date the hot guys..
Was usually in the field most of the times..where I felt the sense of belonging..
I was either playing mud with the rugby boys (was in charge of managing em ) or doing my own thing (training my boys with their silat and play sports (hockey, softball, handball etc)

So, when time passes by, 15 years to be exact, I developed into an athletic physique kind of girl..
And I am now 24..and I am LITERALLY clueless on stuff that girls do (makeup, fashion, etc) and mishaps always happen when I do!!
Evidence?

1) The first time I wore eyeliners, in this particular case the liquid ones, I nearly went blind, as I accidentally poked my eye!! HARD!! (due to the fact I was fidgeting while I was using it)

2) The first time I wore fake eyelashes for TM's big event (I was TRICKED and FORCED into using them)..When it was time to remove them, it wouldn't come off!! I had to sleep with them on and it was itchy!!

3) The first time I used the eyelash curlers, OMAIGAWD!!!! my whole eyelids were nearly pulled off! *painful!!!*
 
Sigh...

To make things worse, when a guy says I'm pretty or cute, I feel so weird and dumbstruck!!
I do not know how to react..
I do not know what to say..
What I do know is that I feel like punching him..hard!!
LOL..

Guess its not too late to change for a better cause..
I mean, I'm not getting younger, and I DO want to look pretty, but unfortunately, its not my forte T___T
I'm FAR more comfortable in jerseys and jeans sadly ='(
And most of my clothes are either jerseys or in black and 'safe' colours..
BUT!!!
Fret not!! I will try to be more ladylike SOON!!
I'll post the updates soon=D
Wish me luck =3
And LOTS and LOTS of it!!

Quote of The Day :

Stop looking for a partner. Focus on yourself and rebuilding your life. Eventually the right person will find you.

No More Tomorrow

No more tomorrow
You got someone’s love, but that does not mean that you have it
You keep walking, but that does not mean time passes
You keep breathing, but that does not mean you’re alive

There’s no tomorrow
I’m still exactly the same as then
The time stopped right at the last moment
However it’s just the past to you

The memories which were tearing my heart apart
They’re now ripped off the calendar
They’re fading as the years goes by
I pretend to live forgetting you

My world is still same
Only there’s no you
They’re telling me that afterwards I will smile recalling the past
For me it’s not even easy to raise my head which was facing you

Why do they keep talking even though I don’t even wanna hear them
I’m staying here

Don’t say that tomorrow is the new day
The morning will be darker than the night when I'm with you
Don’t say that after a storm comes the calm
The calmness will be more anxious than the worries when I'm with you

Everything is a mess
It’s spring again to you but my seasons don’t change
Even though my heart blossoms
I’ve got no tomorrow

It’s a dead smile which is empty inside
They say I look even better,  than when I'm with you
That they can stop worrying about me now
But I can’t breathe

This smile cannot deceive me
I became normal
I emptied my heart a lot because it became a burden
I’m going crazy

Stop telling me your consoles because I don’t want to hear them
Please stop, just stop

They say that the cure of love is another love
But meeting will be more lonely than a farewell to me
They say that the time fixes everything
But the life will be the same as if I’m dead every second

Now I know that

Till you come back
There's no more tomorrow
Till you come back
Everyday is yesterday

I'm So Random

Just something that popped my mind =')

Yeah, sometimes, relationships aren't meant to last, but at least you have memories that keeps you smiling now and then..

Sometimes, when you loved someone too much, you just gotta let it go..
No matter how much it would hurt you in the process..

Memories are sacred, don't bother to erase them from your heart..
It enriches your life, and makes you driven to be a much more better person for the next =)

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REMINISCENCE

Mutual Respect
Exchanging glances, Unnoticed nods and Subtle smiles

Admiration
Handshakes, Exchanging numbers and Friendly conversations

Love
Own little world, Trust, Adore, Intimate touches, Loving gazes and Passionate embraces

Sadness
Problems, Ignorance and Blames

Pain
Yells, Taunts, Curses, Immaturity and Tears 

Denial
Embracing facts, Backstabbers, Judgements, Provokes, Lies and Isolation

Anger
Hatred, Blames, Comparisons, Loneliness and Decisions

Separation
Hollow, Sadness, Despised, Hatred, Fear, Agony and Pain

Desperation
Bitterness, Fallen, Endless tears, Regrets, Reality and Guilt

Remorse
Reflection, Acceptance, Grief, Hope, Prayers, Forgiveness and Letting go

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Quote of The Day :

When you want to talk, but you can't trust anyone; talk to God

Uhh Hello?!?

Hello earthlings!!

Its been almost an exact 2 years since I posted up anything in this humble blog of mine..
Many things happened recently, and I guess one would always turn to their most trusted source of outlet..

The dusty ol' blog =) 

Tho I know that it won't be that much of a private thing where this blog of mine is in public domain which is research-able through browsers, I just seemed not to mind..
I just needed a place to pour all my feelings out, and not bottle it up before I go coo coo!!
Like a dear friend always said,

 '' Even well lid bottles burst when its full, so, try not to be one..Its NOT a pretty sight when it does ''

So, I'll try to keep up posting my thoughts, views, and how life had been for the past 2 years..
I'm not expecting much of an audience to gibe me a standing ovation..
I don't expect too, as to be given credits as I a fully prepared to be criticized and be plunged to deep of the abyss..

DO I sound depressing??
Yes, maybe I do..
After all, with all that's happening around me..
I'm not even sure who I am anymore..

Too bad..

Quote of The Day :
The toughest part of letting go is realizing the other person already did...

Away On Hiatus

Whoaaaa...

It's been a while since I posted up something..

Had a wonderful time these past 3 weeks..

With all the Literature Play going on, road trips and so on..

Sadly to say, I would be on hiatus for a while..

Want to focus more on my finals..

Wish me well, and have a good day ahead of you =D


P/S - Happy Labour Day to all the workaholic workers..*although, I'm a day late* =D

I Bought The Tickets!!!!

Hoyeaaahhhh =D

Finally bought the tickets at the pre-sale at Time Square yesterday =)

'' I'm all smiling ear to ear with the redemption card =D ''

What did I bought?

I bought U-Kiss tickets!!!!

Although it costs a fortune, it's somewhat a treat for my birthday and all the hard work of studying =D

*claps claps*

I couldn't attend VGL this weekend, as I have to cram my studies for the incoming tests..

 '' Seeing the boys LIVE in action =D ''

Never mind, at least I have a replacement concert now =D


P/S - My first EVER concert in my 22 years of living..feeling all psyched up and excited all ready..I don't give a hoot if you think they are lame..they're STILL effing rich..Are you??..Bwwweekkk =D